Tears of Joy or A thought for tomorrow

‘Tears of Joy’ or ‘A thought for tomorrow.’

‘Don’t cry Daddy, don’t be sad.’

‘I’m not Andrew, these are tears of joy.’

It’s that time of year when I am drawn back to my past- the passing of time, time that moves faster and faster each year and departs so quickly. I almost dread the finality of December as the present year moves into the past. That moment when the clock strikes one and the New Year is ushered in. No time to change anything. At that moments all regrets are imprisoned, set in stone for all time, a memory happy or otherwise, good or bad. Nothing in the past can now be changed.

It’s a time to wonder if only? - if this or that hadn’t happened, he or she had been spared. How could I have done better, been kinder, more generous, less selfish?

Was I really able to change anything or was it all already determined by my nature and nurture? How do I accept the way chance plays a role in my life, the lottery of birth? So many ways in which it could have been different, better or worse. Was I the one in charge? How did circumstances steer me into one direction or another? Am I a free agent, the master of my destiny or just 'a piece of plastic on the ocean of time?'

There is no way of knowing. It is perhaps when we look back over our lives and ponder on some of the decisions we made or were made for us that we might, only might, have a greater understanding.

I want to believe that every life is a unique opportunity to fulfil her or his potential, to grasp the opportunities offered and to live a life of love and beauty. That is what life offers but how many are able to achieve that through no fault of their own. How often does the chance of their birth cruelly dash any hopes of this being fulfilled?

It must be changed but how?