‘Tears
of Joy’ or ‘A thought for tomorrow.’
‘Don’t cry Daddy, don’t be sad.’
‘I’m not Andrew, these are tears of joy.’
It’s that
time of year when I am drawn back to my past- the passing of time, time that
moves faster and faster each year and departs so quickly. I almost dread the
finality of December as the present year moves into the past. That moment when
the clock strikes one and the New Year is ushered in. No time to change
anything. At that moments all regrets are imprisoned, set in stone for all
time, a memory happy or otherwise, good or bad. Nothing in the past can now be
changed.
It’s a time
to wonder if only? - if this or that hadn’t happened, he or she had been spared.
How could I have done better, been kinder, more generous, less selfish?
Was I really
able to change anything or was it all already determined by my nature and nurture? How
do I accept the way chance plays a role in my life, the lottery of birth? So
many ways in which it could have been different, better or worse. Was I the one
in charge? How did circumstances steer me into one direction or another?
Am I a free agent, the master of my destiny or just 'a piece of plastic on the
ocean of time?'
There is no
way of knowing. It is perhaps when we look back over our lives and ponder on
some of the decisions we made or were made for us that we might, only might,
have a greater understanding.
I want to
believe that every life is a unique opportunity to fulfil her or his potential,
to grasp the opportunities offered and to live a life of love and beauty. That
is what life offers but how many are able to achieve that through no fault of
their own. How often does the chance of their birth cruelly dash any hopes of
this being fulfilled?
It must be
changed but how?
